Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

One day at a time…

  • Prune Juice

    I screwed up today…like major miscalculations…the true essence of poor life choices. The 4 different chemotherapies, antibiotics, antifungals is the perfect store for constipation. So I thought I would help support the cause with a little prune juice. I had two. You know, you can’t clench liquid, and when the prune juice hits – it Continue reading

  • Dracula

    It begins again, transfusion after transfusion. I hope whoever this blood belongs I can get better. I find the notion of taking someone’s blood as odd, and granted it is a very important role in my survival. Nurse shift change, I’m tired again. I had to pee at 4:30am and couldn’t fall back asleep until Continue reading

  • Final Chemo?

    Ultimately that is the hope, that today is my final chemo round and that this will have successfully killed the cancer left in my bones. I’m tired, I realized that this fight is more holding on than anything but I’m tired of the chemo. I’m tired of feeling awful all the time. My eyesight isn’t Continue reading

  • Oof

    I haven’t been right the last few days – this chemo is rough. More days I am laying in a coma like state. It’s an awful feeling. I got Nurse S today and yesterday. I take back my prejudice, he was wonderful. Attentive, on schedule, professional. I didn’t have to call him, he knew what Continue reading

  • Better Communications

    Last night wasn’t the easiest of sleep, beyond peeing every 10 minutes which is never fun as I have to unplug Dave and roll his butt to the bathroom and then plug him back in. My coordination at that hour isn’t exactly gazelle like. My picc site is also starting to get itchy – here Continue reading

  • Finding Gratitude

    My nausea was on another level yesterday which made finding gratitude extremely hard. Finding anything except suck is really hard. J left at 11:00am again to get to the kids and have some sort of normalcy at home. The blinds finally got fixed, so I no longer have to be in the bright bright room…it’s Continue reading

  • Struggle

    The struggle is real…oof. I was so proud that my sugars were good and that I ate well. But then after the second chemo, I threw up my lunch. While colitis I was pretty awful, throwing up is a close second on the yuck scale. I was really reluctant to have Nurse T change my Continue reading

  • Day 0

    I was too exhausted last night to reflect on the days events. Vitals were done at 11:00pm, morphine administered at 12:00am along with labs. Then I was left alone. I put my ear plugs in around 12:30am and passed out until they woke me at 5:00am for vitals and again at 8:00am. How do people Continue reading

  • Morphine

    After and exhausting morning getting the picc line inserted – I wasn’t admitted to the hospital until 8:45pm. Then they told me unfortunately chemotherapy would be tomorrow morning not today. So I came here to sleep? Really? Nurse R said, I may just want to count my blessings because night chemo will be incredibly uncomfortable. Continue reading

  • Anxious

    I’m packed-ish. I brought what I actually used when I was at the hospital the first time. I’m watching Dexter: New Blood. I’m not super interested but I don’t want to sleep yet. 1:35am I couldn’t sleep sandwich between J and S, as comforting as it was to be near them every move and touch Continue reading

About Me

Hello, my name is Nina. I am a mother, wife, daughter and friend. I am lover of country music, & 80’s love ballad. I love me some karaoke! I identify as hot mess mom. I get it wrong, all the time. On the rare occasions I get it right? Even I’m shocked.

I am a working professional in the field of Compliance. I am mother two, daughter to immigrant parents, wife to a “redneck” – and proud of it, sister-in-law to the two most incredible human beings I have ever met and a niece that is just so cool but doesn’t know it.

I work too hard and play too little. I’ve always focus on the wrong thing and never quite sure if I’m ever enough. I grew up on the East Coast and was a latchkey kid in the 80’s and 90’s – I dodged the sketchy people on the walk home and tried not to end up on a milk carton.

I went to a very privileged Boarding School on the East Coast and college after that. (So yeah that’s exactly why this journal will be riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. On the days I feel good, I’ll type it out. On the days I don’t feel good it’ll be voice to text. I can not be held liable for the things Siri puts in as my “voice”. ) Graduated on a Friday and started Fleet Bank on a Saturday. I hustled my way through the midnight shift at DHL and hustled and hustled and hustled. I knew nothing except the hustle. (As I said, I’m a hot mess mom).

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