Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

One day at a time…

  • Empty

    My cup is empty today. I’m struggling to fill it. I am uncomfortable and tired. I want to hear their voices and cheers as they watch football. I hear them but can’t join them. I try. I sit downstairs for a few minutes but I can’t last long. Everything hurts. What’s going on? Numbers are Continue reading

  • Coherent

    I no longer feel like I sound coherent. I feel there are moments of clarity but then if fade. I’ve lost my train of thought, lost my purpose….lost. Picked up my Walmart Grocery order at 7:15am and tried to make some semblance of breakfast for the children to be met with a disaster of a Continue reading

  • Another climb

    After weeks of sitting at 3 and 4 platelet count and needing transfusions daily. I’m finally stable. I turned the corner Labor Day Weekend the Friday before Labor Day I was 17 then Monday I went to 53, Wed I hit 109 and now I’m at 176. It means that I’m stable enough for the Continue reading

  • The 3:30 Dance

    I can barely keep my eyes opened after 8:30pm and I know that lights must be off by 9:00pm so that quickly afterwards I can sleep. However as of the last 4 weeks I wake up between 3:30am – 4:30am. I will roll around from left to right side of the bed trying to fall Continue reading

  • Another Hydration Day

    S wanted me to take her to school today. She just didn’t want to bike so I obliged and took her to school. I found the same leftover Chinese food sitting on the dining table that I asked L to throw away at 7:30pm the night before and had to re-ask him at 7:30am to Continue reading

  • Hopeful

    After sitting for weeks at a single digit platelet count I hit 53 today. B asked me how much I think my platelet was I told her I was 17 on Friday so maybe 20? She had a huge smile on her face and said 53! I haven’t been this high since I got out Continue reading

  • Double Trouble

    Over an hour of wrestling, biting each others’ ear, jowl, front paws, to back paws and tug of war. They are finally ready to just rest on the couch. This is after an entire morning of ants in their pants and not sitting still. We’ve been at the entertainment since 7:30am. Breakfast kibble with banana Continue reading

  • Fri-yay?

    Sort of. The doggos slept well last night. Once the music played on the speaker everyone settled in an snored away. I have a little bit of a headache this morning and my lymph node is still swollen but I made it to the transfusion center. I got my blood work down and expected to Continue reading

  • Unsure

    I have becoming increasingly unsure of myself. I’m scared. I’m not drinking water every hour the way I was. I’m not walking as much as I have been. I an focused on the wrong things. In a matter of 7 days – I have lost just about all my hair. I know the high dosage Continue reading

  • Grateful

    Gratitude is a really hard emotion. https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cu235tZuik5/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== I saw this on my IG feed and realized how true this is. I saw another celebrity lost his partner to cancer. Fuck. I gotta stop going there. Grateful for life means being grateful for it all. Grateful for the good and the bad. I hate the way Continue reading

About Me

Hello, my name is Nina. I am a mother, wife, daughter and friend. I am lover of country music, & 80’s love ballad. I love me some karaoke! I identify as hot mess mom. I get it wrong, all the time. On the rare occasions I get it right? Even I’m shocked.

I am a working professional in the field of Compliance. I am mother two, daughter to immigrant parents, wife to a “redneck” – and proud of it, sister-in-law to the two most incredible human beings I have ever met and a niece that is just so cool but doesn’t know it.

I work too hard and play too little. I’ve always focus on the wrong thing and never quite sure if I’m ever enough. I grew up on the East Coast and was a latchkey kid in the 80’s and 90’s – I dodged the sketchy people on the walk home and tried not to end up on a milk carton.

I went to a very privileged Boarding School on the East Coast and college after that. (So yeah that’s exactly why this journal will be riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. On the days I feel good, I’ll type it out. On the days I don’t feel good it’ll be voice to text. I can not be held liable for the things Siri puts in as my “voice”. ) Graduated on a Friday and started Fleet Bank on a Saturday. I hustled my way through the midnight shift at DHL and hustled and hustled and hustled. I knew nothing except the hustle. (As I said, I’m a hot mess mom).

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