Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

Isn’t that the old adage? Or is it the more I do, the less you do? I honestly don’t remember. What I do remember is I still have to go upstairs and grab more stuff despite the fact that I already came downstairs to make breakfast for the children. Now I have to go back upstairs to grab the little bug stickers.

It’s gross but way better than having these buggers fly around the house and plants. Or worse….land in your coffee.

Since I have been doing more – I find myself writing less. But that’s counterproductive and counterintuitive – I should be writing more as I’m more active. Last weeks’ biopsy results came in. There is still cancer present. MRD is not negative.

Physically: I am tired. I am aching. My body is sore and it hurts.

Mentally: I am all over the place. My thoughts are scattered. I’m thinking about dinner and wondering if I’ll be there for my children next year.

Emotionally: I am sad.

Why am I even looking at jobs? Will I ever be normal?

So what’s next? Feels like more of the same adjusting medication Dr. P will look into study drugs maybe the study drug that I was rejected by will approve now. Monitor, retest and retest. I just have to mentally get back in the game. You start having good days and you start feeling like you can do this and then you have to pivot. Sometimes those pivots are harder than others.

But the point is to keep moving forward and keep pushing. Cause again the alternative is dying. So I keep getting up.

Keep pedaling.