Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

One day at a time…

May 2024

  • Memorial Day Weekend

    It’s supposed to be fun. I’m struggling. It’s 4:00am and I’m looking up pain associated with AML and then it brings me end care for AML. Life expectancies after bone marrow transplant. My whole body hurts which could be cause by the cancer (too many blasts in my bone marrow – overcrowding) or effects of Continue reading

  • Starting Line

    J wanted to switch “offices” – before I got sick I switched offices so that I wasn’t working in the bedroom anymore. For all of my meetings, my backdrop was my bed. While I would blur it out, you could still tell it was my unmade bed in the background. I had been working this Continue reading

  • Back At It

    Back at chemo. I’m struggling with this more and more…not the chemo itself but how tired and absolutely unmotivated I am to do the most basic things. Sunday night was sad, as it would be for everyone restarting chemo again. While the nurses were happy to see me, once everyone realized it was for chemo Continue reading

  • And so it goes…

    This Billy Joel song and I have had quite the past. “but if my silence made you leave then that would be my worst mistake so I will share this room with you and you can have this hard to break.” The song has been circling my mind today. Nothing significant happened but maybe it’s Continue reading

  • A Moment

    I’ve needed a moment or a few to put thoughts into words. My biopsy results came back along with the cancer. It’s not clean. What are next steps? More of the same. Adjust medication, look into study drugs, wait, monitor and retest. I’m angry, sad, depressed but also grateful. I read the other day that Continue reading

  • The more I do…the more I do.

    Isn’t that the old adage? Or is it the more I do, the less you do? I honestly don’t remember. What I do remember is I still have to go upstairs and grab more stuff despite the fact that I already came downstairs to make breakfast for the children. Now I have to go back Continue reading

About Me

Hello, my name is Nina. I am a mother, wife, daughter and friend. I am lover of country music, & 80’s love ballad. I love me some karaoke! I identify as hot mess mom. I get it wrong, all the time. On the rare occasions I get it right? Even I’m shocked.

I am a working professional in the field of Compliance. I am mother two, daughter to immigrant parents, wife to a “redneck” – and proud of it, sister-in-law to the two most incredible human beings I have ever met and a niece that is just so cool but doesn’t know it.

I work too hard and play too little. I’ve always focus on the wrong thing and never quite sure if I’m ever enough. I grew up on the East Coast and was a latchkey kid in the 80’s and 90’s – I dodged the sketchy people on the walk home and tried not to end up on a milk carton.

I went to a very privileged Boarding School on the East Coast and college after that. (So yeah that’s exactly why this journal will be riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. On the days I feel good, I’ll type it out. On the days I don’t feel good it’ll be voice to text. I can not be held liable for the things Siri puts in as my “voice”. ) Graduated on a Friday and started Fleet Bank on a Saturday. I hustled my way through the midnight shift at DHL and hustled and hustled and hustled. I knew nothing except the hustle. (As I said, I’m a hot mess mom).

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