I had to take my medication to sleep last night. Once I said good night to the kids – I drifted off to sleep with Chopped or maybe it was Bobby’s Triple Threat in the background. I woke up at 5:30am and the brain was on after that. Went back to the “continental” breakfast with Continue reading

It’s not like I’ve been waiting anxiously since yesterday. I slept for about 5 hours last night. It’s the wait…that’s always the worst. I’m just trying to breathe it all out and take things in stride. But the reality is this truly is a “life or death” type situation for me. It’s actually me against Continue reading

The day started off with the kids and I snuggled in bed watching dog videos on IG. J worked a half day and as finished the packing – I got a phone call from the transplant coordinator that the machine for radiation was broken. Of course there was the initial freak out but the difference Continue reading

I didn’t accomplish too much this weekend though L is fully packed for his class trip. Both children are camped out on the floor and J is sleeping next to me. I am not able to relax to sleep and I should sleep since I am going to need all my energy soon. I’ll only Continue reading

Transplant coordinator called me today to go over the logistics of when I check in, so what I will be doing on Monday. I have labs then blocking. I will be doing full body radiation twice a day and the blocking is literally that. The radiation is full body and can cause severe lung damage Continue reading

We went to see Taylor Swift movie. The first song was The Man…and it brought me to tears. Not because I’m just such a Swifty fan that I would burst into tears but because “The Man” was literally my career anthem. Had I been a man, my hustle would have meant something. Instead, it got Continue reading

I had to “twofer” my first chemo round back in March. I had to “twofer” my transplant clearance. But I will not be “twofering” my transplant. I used two “twofers” so – I am putting out there that this transplant is a one hit wonder and will carry me into my 90’s. A friend told Continue reading

Picc dressing change, labs and visit with Dr P. I ask him the question I’m afraid to ask “Is this a Band-aid remedy to give me a few more years?” Because the truth of the matter is I google and when I do, I’m scared, nobody likes to read that. He responds. “It’s a lot Continue reading

I didn’t get the period talk when I was growing up nor did I get the birds and the bees talk. I stumbled. I saw girls with pads and wings but I didn’t understand. I didn’t understand any of it. I vividly recall the blood in my underwear at 12 and thinking “well that’s scary…what Continue reading

I made a fundamental mistake looking to have some meals prepared for me. I was looking for some sautéed or grilled veggies – once or two times a week. I misjudged my appetite. I can barely get down 10 grapes let alone a full platter of food made once a week. It’s overwhelming and when Continue reading