Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

One day at a time…

September 2023

  • Finally Friday

    It’s a different perspective now – Fridays to me are now when the children are home and will be wild and crazy. J will be home from work and less stressed. The house is full of noise. Last weekend I couldn’t fill my cup. I was tired and couldn’t hold firm to any shred of Continue reading

  • Wait

    Productive day today and made it on time to all my appointments. Which is shocking – I assumed I would any late to everything today. Instead I was a well oiled machine and showed up to every appointment like a hero. I won for the day. Sometimes I feel the worst part of this whole Continue reading

  • Hydration and Oncologist

    Since Dr C is no longer seeing patients so I was transferred to Dr G – the nice part is that he is just upstairs from the infusion center. So I can piggy back hydration to doctors visits. Tomorrow is another back to back. Labs, hydration then lady doctor. Hello Flaky Skin…I remember this lovely Continue reading

  • Empty

    My cup is empty today. I’m struggling to fill it. I am uncomfortable and tired. I want to hear their voices and cheers as they watch football. I hear them but can’t join them. I try. I sit downstairs for a few minutes but I can’t last long. Everything hurts. What’s going on? Numbers are Continue reading

  • Coherent

    I no longer feel like I sound coherent. I feel there are moments of clarity but then if fade. I’ve lost my train of thought, lost my purpose….lost. Picked up my Walmart Grocery order at 7:15am and tried to make some semblance of breakfast for the children to be met with a disaster of a Continue reading

  • Another climb

    After weeks of sitting at 3 and 4 platelet count and needing transfusions daily. I’m finally stable. I turned the corner Labor Day Weekend the Friday before Labor Day I was 17 then Monday I went to 53, Wed I hit 109 and now I’m at 176. It means that I’m stable enough for the Continue reading

  • The 3:30 Dance

    I can barely keep my eyes opened after 8:30pm and I know that lights must be off by 9:00pm so that quickly afterwards I can sleep. However as of the last 4 weeks I wake up between 3:30am – 4:30am. I will roll around from left to right side of the bed trying to fall Continue reading

  • Another Hydration Day

    S wanted me to take her to school today. She just didn’t want to bike so I obliged and took her to school. I found the same leftover Chinese food sitting on the dining table that I asked L to throw away at 7:30pm the night before and had to re-ask him at 7:30am to Continue reading

  • Hopeful

    After sitting for weeks at a single digit platelet count I hit 53 today. B asked me how much I think my platelet was I told her I was 17 on Friday so maybe 20? She had a huge smile on her face and said 53! I haven’t been this high since I got out Continue reading

  • Double Trouble

    Over an hour of wrestling, biting each others’ ear, jowl, front paws, to back paws and tug of war. They are finally ready to just rest on the couch. This is after an entire morning of ants in their pants and not sitting still. We’ve been at the entertainment since 7:30am. Breakfast kibble with banana Continue reading

About Me

Hello, my name is Nina. I am a mother, wife, daughter and friend. I am lover of country music, & 80’s love ballad. I love me some karaoke! I identify as hot mess mom. I get it wrong, all the time. On the rare occasions I get it right? Even I’m shocked.

I am a working professional in the field of Compliance. I am mother two, daughter to immigrant parents, wife to a “redneck” – and proud of it, sister-in-law to the two most incredible human beings I have ever met and a niece that is just so cool but doesn’t know it.

I work too hard and play too little. I’ve always focus on the wrong thing and never quite sure if I’m ever enough. I grew up on the East Coast and was a latchkey kid in the 80’s and 90’s – I dodged the sketchy people on the walk home and tried not to end up on a milk carton.

I went to a very privileged Boarding School on the East Coast and college after that. (So yeah that’s exactly why this journal will be riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. On the days I feel good, I’ll type it out. On the days I don’t feel good it’ll be voice to text. I can not be held liable for the things Siri puts in as my “voice”. ) Graduated on a Friday and started Fleet Bank on a Saturday. I hustled my way through the midnight shift at DHL and hustled and hustled and hustled. I knew nothing except the hustle. (As I said, I’m a hot mess mom).

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