Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

One day at a time…

Anxious

I’m packed-ish. I brought what I actually used when I was at the hospital the first time. I’m watching Dexter: New Blood. I’m not super interested but I don’t want to sleep yet.

1:35am I couldn’t sleep sandwich between J and S, as comforting as it was to be near them every move and touch woke me. I crawled out of bed and laid down in S’s bed. Her sea of pillows, stuffed animals and clothes. No wonder she didn’t want to sleep in her room – it’s a mess. I’m exhausted but my mind is awake. I know it’s a long day ahead but can’t get myself to fall asleep. Maybe put the f*cking phone down and close you eyes? Yea…thanks. I’m going.

3:30am It’s not working…I’m still awake. Ugh this is going to be a very long day. I should have taken a sleeping pill.

6:10am We’re late. Appointment starts at 7:00am and check in is at 6:45am. Sigh. We’ll get there when we get there. I’m exhausted and so is J. Picc in left arm, Hickman wasn’t done as it would require booking an OR. But…it’s 8:00am and there is no bed. Lovely. Go home or wait…we’ll get a call in 30 minutes to confirm the status of a bed. 10:30am, there won’t be a bed until later this evening. But I have chemo today. Oh that’s doesn’t matter because we can do chemo at midnight if we have to. Ooh yes. That’s exactly what I was looking forward to…midnight chemo. Lovely. Home now waiting for the bed to open. It’s been a morning.

Nina's avatar

Posted by:

Nina

Leave a comment

About Me

Hello, my name is Nina. I am a mother, wife, daughter and friend. I am lover of country music, & 80’s love ballad. I love me some karaoke! I identify as hot mess mom. I get it wrong, all the time. On the rare occasions I get it right? Even I’m shocked.

I am a working professional in the field of Compliance. I am mother two, daughter to immigrant parents, wife to a “redneck” – and proud of it, sister-in-law to the two most incredible human beings I have ever met and a niece that is just so cool but doesn’t know it.

I work too hard and play too little. I’ve always focus on the wrong thing and never quite sure if I’m ever enough. I grew up on the East Coast and was a latchkey kid in the 80’s and 90’s – I dodged the sketchy people on the walk home and tried not to end up on a milk carton.

I went to a very privileged Boarding School on the East Coast and college after that. (So yeah that’s exactly why this journal will be riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. On the days I feel good, I’ll type it out. On the days I don’t feel good it’ll be voice to text. I can not be held liable for the things Siri puts in as my “voice”. ) Graduated on a Friday and started Fleet Bank on a Saturday. I hustled my way through the midnight shift at DHL and hustled and hustled and hustled. I knew nothing except the hustle. (As I said, I’m a hot mess mom).

Recent Posts

Newsletter