Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

One day at a time…

  • Every 20

    I didn’t get my usual Day Nurse and was assigned a friendly yet flighty. Nurse K. The theme was ohh shoot I forgot something I’ll be right back so she would disappear come back in 15 and disappear again. It seemed to coordinate with the exact moment I was falling asleep. Diabetic Blood Prick every Continue reading

  • Blurrr

    Despite the platelet transfusions my stats still slipped below the safety level of the biopsy. So in the morning I had another platelet transfusion and was wheeled off to get my biopsy. J had and event with the kids I know they really wanted to have him there for. And well I was too tired Continue reading

  • Gratitude

    When you’re heart and cup runneth over. Cancer has taught me the ability to endure pain and see it through the other side. Cancer has continued to teach me about compassion and kindness. The nurses here that have cared for me the last two weeks along with the aids. My heart is so full. Stomach Continue reading

  • Spa Birthday

    The last few birthdays have been devastating to me. I lost Charlie in my arms at home two years ago on April 3rd – I was a zombie. After 17 years – a piece of my heart went away with him. Last year I waited patiently by the orchid I was given by F for Continue reading

  • Fetal Position

    The last few days have just been a switch of fetal positions and stomachache pain. CT Results: Colitis. An inflammatory reaction in the colon, often autoimmune or infectious. Not my best me. The last two days the fog has been pretty thick. At one point it looked like we were in a cloud. Very representative Continue reading

  • Not My Best Self

    12:00pm 4/9 It’s been a really rough two days. My stomach pain has intensified to just fetal position. Kevin is beeping every two hours and I’m loosing my mind. The lack of sleep is getting to me. I’m spiraling. This fu*king sucks! I had a meltdown at 1:30am when Kevin beeped and another one at Continue reading

  • Blank

    Yesterday was not my finest hour. I was sluggish, tired and so so foggy. It required so much effort to focus and concentrate. I couldn’t communicate fast enough, couldn’t think or react. WTF? Am I stroking out? Dr Google notes there are some permanent effects to chemotherapy – ability for balance, physical disability, chronic pains Continue reading

  • Fight. Flight. Duh.

    4:08am Because of the infection, seizure and drop in stats – I’m being watched a bit more closely. My pee hat is back on the toilet to monitor output and samples are being taken. So instead of the 10pm – 5am split at night – I’m at every 4 hours – sleep is a little Continue reading

  • 10/10 Would NOT Recommend

    Towards the later part of the afternoon yesterday I didn’t feel well. Dr. C veto’d the blood and I generally had very little energy, which is not an uncommon side effect of Chemotherapy. But I stayed in bed pretty much all day with the pumping leg things to prevent clots. I didn’t walk at all Continue reading

  • Punked

    4:42am Kevin now Chad for the day… he punked me. He beeped to wake me up and then stopped beeping when Nurse Z walked in. WTF! Are you kidding me? I said the naming situation was fluid and I’m grateful you beeped to alert that I wasn’t actually connected to chemo…I also need sleep man. Continue reading

About Me

Hello, my name is Nina. I am a mother, wife, daughter and friend. I am lover of country music, & 80’s love ballad. I love me some karaoke! I identify as hot mess mom. I get it wrong, all the time. On the rare occasions I get it right? Even I’m shocked.

I am a working professional in the field of Compliance. I am mother two, daughter to immigrant parents, wife to a “redneck” – and proud of it, sister-in-law to the two most incredible human beings I have ever met and a niece that is just so cool but doesn’t know it.

I work too hard and play too little. I’ve always focus on the wrong thing and never quite sure if I’m ever enough. I grew up on the East Coast and was a latchkey kid in the 80’s and 90’s – I dodged the sketchy people on the walk home and tried not to end up on a milk carton.

I went to a very privileged Boarding School on the East Coast and college after that. (So yeah that’s exactly why this journal will be riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. On the days I feel good, I’ll type it out. On the days I don’t feel good it’ll be voice to text. I can not be held liable for the things Siri puts in as my “voice”. ) Graduated on a Friday and started Fleet Bank on a Saturday. I hustled my way through the midnight shift at DHL and hustled and hustled and hustled. I knew nothing except the hustle. (As I said, I’m a hot mess mom).

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