Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

One day at a time…

  • Little Graces

    All around me I see the little graces in text messages, memes or photos sent to just say hello. it feels inconsequential but to me these graces are incredibly valued by me. It’s my lesson learned from this horrific cancer. 11/29 is my biopsy – this is a big day for me as it is Continue reading

  • Get In my Belly

    The last two days despite the occasional vomiting I’ve been trying to eat more. Three piece of shredded chicken; 3 figs; noodles in a drop of soy sauce and a small handful of Cheerios. Does it taste wonderful no. My mouth is bitter, sour and metallic…not exactly appetizing. But so be it. I’m alive. It’s Continue reading

  • Holding On

    My stats have been taking a dip. Today is a week home from the hospital. While I don’t necessarily “feel” better on Day 24 – I’m holding on. The nausea has hit a level of high that puts me in the fetal position. I’ve survived on not eating to calm my stomach and saltines resulting Continue reading

  • Back to the Program

    Woke up at 4:30am despite my sleeping pills with my stomach singing to me. At this point any gas scares me (It sounds like a cat in my stomach meowing). As it could be explosive diarrhea, the fart of the century or plain hunger…I haven’t the slightest clue. But any sounds or movement give me Continue reading

  • Bell

    My discharge day was a dumpster fire! I got to ring the bell with my HS friend, Ste. She flew across the country from PA to CA, landed at LAX and rented a car to drive and see me for 4 days. When the door opened and she was there I was transported back to Continue reading

  • Never Thank You Enough

    I couldn’t believe my eyes this morning at 6:00am I had to ask S to double check me in the morning. Like what?! 0.69 ANC?! I hit it?! Overnight!? Yassss! I can go home to my babies! F*cking finally!!! I can breathe these children into me. OMG, I can’t believe it. I’m going to pass Continue reading

  • Tea

    Where do I start brewing and spilling this tea? The last few days have been a fog of pain, toilet, pain meds, toilet and sleep. While I have the desire to post every day I realized that there needs to first be energy to write. 11/4 was a blur of me for starters…I started to Continue reading

  • Video Killed the Radio Star

    Why did I pick that title? No freaking clue…the song got stuck in my head and that was that. The mood in the last post was too heavy to match the energy of what I was about to say. So I published and PIVOT! I was never a huge Friends fan in all honesty, I Continue reading

  • I don’t got it.

    Not even a little. Not even a tiny bit. I don’t got I at all. I was chatting to the nurse whom happens to be my morning nurse today, but this is the first time I have ever seen here. It surprised me that is as the first time I’ve seen her but then again Continue reading

  • It’s pouring

    Not only is the pain increasing, I’m running a fever and now I’m on a pin med drip with the button to give me an extra bump every 30 minutes. CT shows an infection in my abdomen – which I’ve been complaining about. Sigh. On new antibiotics. The pain in mind numbing. Continue reading

About Me

Hello, my name is Nina. I am a mother, wife, daughter and friend. I am lover of country music, & 80’s love ballad. I love me some karaoke! I identify as hot mess mom. I get it wrong, all the time. On the rare occasions I get it right? Even I’m shocked.

I am a working professional in the field of Compliance. I am mother two, daughter to immigrant parents, wife to a “redneck” – and proud of it, sister-in-law to the two most incredible human beings I have ever met and a niece that is just so cool but doesn’t know it.

I work too hard and play too little. I’ve always focus on the wrong thing and never quite sure if I’m ever enough. I grew up on the East Coast and was a latchkey kid in the 80’s and 90’s – I dodged the sketchy people on the walk home and tried not to end up on a milk carton.

I went to a very privileged Boarding School on the East Coast and college after that. (So yeah that’s exactly why this journal will be riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. On the days I feel good, I’ll type it out. On the days I don’t feel good it’ll be voice to text. I can not be held liable for the things Siri puts in as my “voice”. ) Graduated on a Friday and started Fleet Bank on a Saturday. I hustled my way through the midnight shift at DHL and hustled and hustled and hustled. I knew nothing except the hustle. (As I said, I’m a hot mess mom).

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