Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

One day at a time…

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  • Round and Round We Go

    And,,,,I’m back in the hospital again. How did we get back to counting every single calorie and adding protein packets to EVERYTHING I eat? Where you are woken up SEVERAL times a day and get roughly 6 hours of sleep if you’re lucky. Newsflash: Yoplait yogurt and protein powder is NOT a good combination. It Continue reading

  • Heartbreak

    I had another set back today. I have an infection in my blood so I can’t start the trial this Friday. I handled it better than the fever set back. I however f*cked it up with my son. I make no excuses for myself, I didn’t do it right. I wasn’t centered and fully processed Continue reading

  • Broken

    I woke up and was asked by the nurse how I was feeling. I responded broken. Defeated. Poked. Prodded. Jabbed. Stabbed. Nurse D couldn’t wait to stabbed me with a third IV line. I had fired her as a nurse; she wouldn’t forget this trespass. You could see her evil excitement, “I’ve been a nurse Continue reading

  • Battlefield

    I’ve needed a few days to get my head on straight. A stayed with me until Sat afternoon and then I needed her to go. I needed her to recharge for the battlefield. All of us truly are on our own battlefield. Whether we are sick or healthy – we are affected by the battles Continue reading

  • Two Steps Forward One Step Back

    I got the approval last night that I was accepted into the trial study at around 8:30pm. I was so grateful and really looking forward to the next steps. But then this morning I had a fever and I wasn’t allowed to proceed with the study trial. I was very disappointed and devastated that I Continue reading

  • Benny

    It’s been a rough few days. I’ve been in the hospital since 6/24/2024. Last few days I’ve had back to back issues with my counts and I am struggling with positivity. Overthink – you go dark. Obvious – you can screw up your care. The cancer has come back 76%. The leukemia is aggressive. What’s Continue reading

  • Struggle Is Real

    I made my complaint to the patient advocate and I left it there. I’m not going to let one person who bullied, humiliated and guilted me to reside in while I get well. I’m also not making excuses for her behavior – she was cruel. That is what it is. Currently it’s a waiting game Continue reading

  • Fri-yay

    It started way earlier than I wanted. Isn’t that always how it goes? My platelets were at a 3 so they needed to start me on it ASAP, The nurse pushed 50mg of Benny, and I drifted. Then I feel someone’s hand holding my hand. Two hands holding tightly to my hand. I was still Continue reading

  • Always Expect to Pivot

    I start this morning off with the evil chuckle. Look I don’t claim to be everyone’s cup of tea, but I’m also not going to hold back if it’s funny. Yes the doggo is cute and ugly all wrapped up in one. But when you post photos consistently of your daughter on social media. Help Continue reading

  • Strapped In

    Secondary blood test show cancer blast. Explains a lot of the pain as well as my inability to rebound after May’s chemo. Dr. P is going to reach back out to the study drug sponsors and ask for acceptance into the drug and will try to schedule a biopsy for next week to get a Continue reading

About Me

Hello, my name is Nina. I am a mother, wife, daughter and friend. I am lover of country music, & 80’s love ballad. I love me some karaoke! I identify as hot mess mom. I get it wrong, all the time. On the rare occasions I get it right? Even I’m shocked.

I am a working professional in the field of Compliance. I am mother two, daughter to immigrant parents, wife to a “redneck” – and proud of it, sister-in-law to the two most incredible human beings I have ever met and a niece that is just so cool but doesn’t know it.

I work too hard and play too little. I’ve always focus on the wrong thing and never quite sure if I’m ever enough. I grew up on the East Coast and was a latchkey kid in the 80’s and 90’s – I dodged the sketchy people on the walk home and tried not to end up on a milk carton.

I went to a very privileged Boarding School on the East Coast and college after that. (So yeah that’s exactly why this journal will be riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. On the days I feel good, I’ll type it out. On the days I don’t feel good it’ll be voice to text. I can not be held liable for the things Siri puts in as my “voice”. ) Graduated on a Friday and started Fleet Bank on a Saturday. I hustled my way through the midnight shift at DHL and hustled and hustled and hustled. I knew nothing except the hustle. (As I said, I’m a hot mess mom).

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