Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

I needed a separate post about this. I couldn’t mix this with the mundane day to day of the hospitals updates. This needed its own.

Dr. C

He walked in with Dr. V and my eyes just were so surprised that I was seeing him. Dr. C was standing there. I filled up with emotion instantly which probably made him feel incredibly uncomfortable but I couldn’t help it. Dr. C in the flesh…I never got to say Goodbye or Thank you. I got to do both today.

Ignoring Dr. V I told Dr. C “I’ve missed you. Thank you for being there on the night that irrevocably changed my life. Because of you I felt brave enough to push forward because you made me feel that as long as I followed your path, I would be okay.” I cried and said “I wouldn’t have been brave enough to do this without you. Thank you. It was nice to see you again. I didn’t think I’d have the opportunity to.”

When your world feels like it’s ending because someone says “You have cancer.” The natural response is “Now what!? What do I do?” The power that Dr. C had was “You will be starting Chemo, go home and pack we’ll have you admitted on Monday.” He didn’t mince words or used soft language, he was direct, succinct and steadfast. He was the Captain of this ship and I was there to follow orders. I closed my mind to that and followed him. I felt less fear because I could follow him blindly. He told me the marathon ahead. Chemo first, find donor match, pass me to COH to Dr V, transplant and recovery.

Until he passed me off to Dr. G because he was no longer seeing outpatient but I wasn’t informed in a visit. Just via email that I would need to make appointments with Dr. G. I never got closure until today. I got to properly Thank him and express to him what he means to me and then say Goodbye to him when he left.

It has certainly been long awaited.