Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

There is a huge difference between nurses that I have come to observe this year especially in the in-hospital setting. The major one I observed this time was just drawing blood. E draws a throw away syringe, a test syringe for good blood and then individually pushes them into the test tubes. T inserts the cap/needle into my picc and fills the tubes. Both are correct…but one takes about 10 minutes and the other less than 3 minutes. Makes you wonder if this is style or education. E looked like she was born 10 year ago and T has been a nurse for over 20 years. From the perspective of my career I opt for efficiency. I saved myself 7 minutes. From the perspective of being a cancer patient I prefer efficiency but eh I’m going to lay here anyways so unless their breath is funky what’s another 7 minutes.

As it turns out it is not a bacterial pneumonia instead it’s a viral one since the culture was taken on Thursday we won’t have results until Monday/Tuesday so I’m stuck in the hospital until maybe mid-week. But I get a view and while it’s behind me, it’s there…I just have to turn around.

The Dietitian came to see me today. Something I never thought I’d ever be given – “Guide: High Protein, High Calorie” Look friend, I’m trying to just choke down the 1/4 cup of applesauce so I don’t vomit up my pills. Slow down with your add milk fat powder to your yogurt. Use Heavy Cream when cooking. Let me see if I can keep down 1/4 of the power smoothie you handed me. Two sips in, I’m nauseated already, but I’m going to take my time…slow sips. Slow sips. Every sip is more calories in.

Since having kids I’ve been trying to lose weight, trying to stop the calorie in take…a little leukemia and I’m on the “high calorie, high protein” pathway. Cheers to more calories.

J came to see me in the morning since S has football games tonight. He sat here on his phone in the chair. I laid in bed on my phone. I texted with a few people and we had intermittent conversations between that. Like after months of time total in the hospital room together…I think that’s normal. If a subject hits, we’ll chat it up. But otherwise, we’re on our devices. Because truly are you going to play 20 questions? I’m not, that’s a lot of energy. Is that a thing though? Are you supposed to have conversations the entire time with your significant other? Like car rides, we listen to music…or talk but mostly music listening. Like I think friends are different, there’s gossip and catch up to talk about. You’re not around each other every day so I think when you’re out with your girlfriends every moment is filled with conversation. But like…you’re significant other…that feels rough. Cause how am I supposed to complain about you to you. I mean I’ll welcome that conversation if you wanna have it, but I feel it might be awkward for you. I’m cool with it. Just saying is all.