Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

One day at a time…

Sick

I haven’t felt well and my mind starts going. My mind is getting the best of me. What if I’m not doing well because it’s not working. I’m scared it’s my last Christmas and I’m missing out on doing the traditional things. I’m scared and I don’t want to be. My throat I getting sore again. I can feel it tightening when I swallow again. My body hurts a lot. The bones are so achy as if every step is grinding on them. I have no motivation to o anything except to sleep. My mind starts to go; over sleeping is a sign of the end. I don’t want this to be my last holiday.

I’m a prisoner in my bed. I can’t drive. I don’t leave the house. I sit in a chair or sit in my bed from 7:30am until bedtime at 8:30pm. My days blur. I even missed my eye appointment because I forgot what day it was despite them calling me yesterday to confirm. J is doing the morning shower thing; he does this on break and it drives me insane. He smells of sour sweat. I hate that he comes to bed dirty with the days’ activities. He spent the day clenching up after the kids and making homemade sausages – when he laid down beside me I noted to him that he was sweaty. He said he was fine. I cringed and turned over to the other side to not smell him. I will need to fight tho battle in the morning. I already feel like trash; I can not stand more garbage. Especially if I am feeling more sick.

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About Me

Hello, my name is Nina. I am a mother, wife, daughter and friend. I am lover of country music, & 80’s love ballad. I love me some karaoke! I identify as hot mess mom. I get it wrong, all the time. On the rare occasions I get it right? Even I’m shocked.

I am a working professional in the field of Compliance. I am mother two, daughter to immigrant parents, wife to a “redneck” – and proud of it, sister-in-law to the two most incredible human beings I have ever met and a niece that is just so cool but doesn’t know it.

I work too hard and play too little. I’ve always focus on the wrong thing and never quite sure if I’m ever enough. I grew up on the East Coast and was a latchkey kid in the 80’s and 90’s – I dodged the sketchy people on the walk home and tried not to end up on a milk carton.

I went to a very privileged Boarding School on the East Coast and college after that. (So yeah that’s exactly why this journal will be riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. On the days I feel good, I’ll type it out. On the days I don’t feel good it’ll be voice to text. I can not be held liable for the things Siri puts in as my “voice”. ) Graduated on a Friday and started Fleet Bank on a Saturday. I hustled my way through the midnight shift at DHL and hustled and hustled and hustled. I knew nothing except the hustle. (As I said, I’m a hot mess mom).

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