Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

CA EDD approved the 10/1 – 10/31 so we have breathing room. 11/1 LTD also got approved so I can breathe even more moving forward and won’t be living under a bridge. Mortgage can be paid. Thank you Universe. My one hiccup now is that the LTD Math ain’t Mathin’ – my analyst is not good at math and things aren’t equaling out.

At the same time I would like to know where to submit the application for refund for 2023. I’m now sick with something cold or flu…unsure. My lymph nodes are swollen, I can’t swallow without pain and can’t stop coughing. I’m on the z pack and prescription could medicine. This was NOT supposed to happen. I don’t go anywhere. I literally just sit at home, COH for my labs and Dr appointments, infusion center for my labs and transfusions. I have not entered a store either, I may ask to go for a car ride and get some sun but I don’t enter public places. Granted the children go to school and could pick up a myriad of creepy crawlers but we try to be careful at home. They shower and get clean before they approach me. I did have Mix visit but we were always distanced. He hugged me before he left on Sunday but I had my mask on. I saw M for 0.5 seconds when she dropped off the bagels but I did hug her super quick because I missed her but she did just get off the airplane. Those have been the only people I was in contact with. In any case; I’m sick and with a weakened immune system I need more time to rest and recovery. Lots of tea and lots of rest and sitting around. Thankful nothing is effecting my breathing just super painful coughs that hurt my throat.

We got ourselves a Christmas tree though…Costco was sold out but The Depot came in clutch – kids will decorate this year and L will put the star on. We figured early on how to split and keep track of who put the star on the tree. L was born on an odd year and S was born on an even. So if it’s an odd year like 2023 – L puts the star on. Simplicity is key. If I had three kids; I would have no system…nothing. Maybe just pick the name out of a hat. Eek. I’m cringing. I have been collecting yearly ornaments since L was born. I got one to commemorate our new house, new baby, etc…and over the years added to the collection whether it be L’s love for the Fisher Price Popper Toy or Lightening McQueen. This year is no different; except I didn’t want to commentate the cancer. While I recognize it has been the most significant part of 2023 – I don’t want it on the tree for years to come. I don’t want this memory passed down yearly. I thought of getting a nurses ornament; but again I don’t want to consistently remember that 2023 was the year I got leukemia. So I went with our most and least favorite game: Uno. We either get super competitive and someone is a sore loser (usually S) or the adults play and the children end up in a fight. As a result it’s our most and least favorite. Starts out fun…ends up in a fight. Taboo is probably the worst for us; if the parents pair up – we smoke the kids. The kids pair up and they are fighting before the first guess is over. We don’t play taboo. We don’t play Monopoly…I am ruthless. I will buy property and build houses/hotels immediately. I don’t care if it’s Mediterranean Ave and Baltic Ave – there’s going to be a hotel motel holiday inn on it and I’m getting $450 if you land on my hotel! I will nickel and dime you! As I said we don’t play Monopoly. As S gets older we are able to play more games; we are still waiting on Scrabble. This year we are adding the Magnetic Chess Game – we shall see if this will be kid friendly or a disaster. I’m 45 days post transplant and our annual trip is about 60 day post transplant. With me being sick right now; I am not 100% sure I’ll be able to go – we’ve only ever missed our annual trip once due to Covid when everything was closed. Obviously I wouldn’t want to spend the entire trip inside while the children and J were out hiking, exploring or walking along the ocean. I don’t want to miss out on that. I feel I already have.

That’s been the source of my frustration and depression – I can’t do a damn thing. I can’t drive, ride a bike, help out with chores to relieve some of the family burdens. Heck, I can’t even go to the bathroom or bathe by myself. I am semi-fully (90%) reliant on J. I want to do stuff with the kids and at the least…I want to attend my kids sporting events. All of which I can not do yet. YET. That’s the positive part; I have an opportunity to do this. I have an opportunity to get better. I am still here; so I have an opportunity. While the MRD didn’t come back negative; it also didn’t come back positive – it’s inconclusive. I need a second biopsy. That’s okay.

Woke up at 4:30am this morning to continue the post draft. I woke up with a horribly sore throat and the painful swallowing. After a trip to the bathroom and my slow walk back to bed I couldn’t fall back asleep. Headed to the infusion center in about 20 minutes and will wake J up in about 10 minutes. While I don’t want to be a potato for the sake of our annual trip – maybe I should be a potato.