Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

Texting J to cook meals / food for me has proven difficult. He either doesn’t look at his phone or he doesn’t have the motivation to do it. Either way, it’s fine. I’m not upset about it – not his strength. My daughter however has become quite the little chef. She was the one who cut up all the cucumbers to make kimchi cucumbers.

I have been eating a lot of noodles as of late, not great as far as carb in take…but I’m more focused on living then “carb counting” and quite frankly it’s just easy to make. As my schedule is now so full of scrolling through IG and FB – the season is food on my feed. So much food, and at a time when my taste buds are completely off. I see leftover recipes, new creation recipes…all of them and like the dreamer I am I dutifully pin all the ones I’m going to “make” – there have been however some nostalgic recipes. First one I actually dreamt about and woke up “dream eating” it. The Jamaican Beef Patty. OMG do I miss NY!

Yes I know I can buy 6 of them for $70 on Goldbelly. But when they are $2.25 each … I struggle with that justification. Anyway, this used to be my everything treat but mostly after school. I would get one on my way home from school at the Jamaican place and back them I think they were $.99. The smell would be absolutely intoxicating but I couldn’t eat it right away because it was beyond my spice tolerance and I would want to have a glass of milk with it. So I’d fold the parchment paper tightly around my beef patty and walk on home. Once I got home, I’d open that sucker up and devour it…even lukewarm it was delicious. It’s been over a decade since I’ve been back to NY. Beyond the bagels and pizza that I normally crave…and the garlic knots. It’s the Jamaican Beef Patty that holds strongly in my heart.

Since loosing my ability to taste, all I have been doing is chasing a taste. Actually that’s not totally true. I’ve always chased a particular taste through food…mostly to recall memories of my youth. My most vivid one is rice and ketchup with a thin egg scramble on top. Growing up pretty poor, this was a staple memory meal…my mom would go into a McDonald’s and maybe get a small fry for me and leave with a bag full of ketchup. That became the ingredient to many of meals. My $1.50 garlic knots from the pizzeria on my route home from school; the garlic, parsley and butter. This has been widely disputed because I say it was butter but J is says the taste is olive oil.

S made me some peanut noodles! If we could just keep it to one or two pots/pans that would be amazing. She cooks like J…every single pot and utensil in the kitchen for one dish. But I’m grateful she enjoys cooking; in fact lately she’s the one that has been feeding me. J came to the room at 8:00pm and said “Have you been fed?” I immediately started laughing. I’m the house pet that doesn’t get fed now lol. I wasn’t fed. S went to make me some dumplings. It’s a weird role of reversal which I understand. It’s always been me preparing and taking care of the family and now I can barely take care of myself. I have to force myself downstairs so that I can eat. Otherwise, I survive on seaweed and some crisps in the room tomorrow I will eat my blackberries, though, I asked for them twice tonight and gave up. Some requests are not worth it.