Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

The last two days despite the occasional vomiting I’ve been trying to eat more. Three piece of shredded chicken; 3 figs; noodles in a drop of soy sauce and a small handful of Cheerios. Does it taste wonderful no. My mouth is bitter, sour and metallic…not exactly appetizing. But so be it. I’m alive. It’s a very small price to pay. M took the children to see a pirate show tonight; we went to see Medieval time together as a joint family. I didn’t so much of anything the last 7 months – cancer just consumed J and I – our next move is focus on Now what? I’m grateful to have a friend that is just family.

I might now be able to make holiday tasty treats by myself this we will need the assistance of children for sure. This year will include something bought, something stapled, something shared, something new. It’s ambitious and with the whole help of the family- it could be fun.

Today has been a decent day – nausea has been on a low today. I’m grateful for an easier food day. My mouth is so bitter, sour any metallic. I am extremely thirsty but haven’t been able to choke anything down that remotely quenches my thirst. I rely on IV hydration at this point to ensure that I am not dehydrated. I got myself a juicer to try and help ingest more nutrients – carrot and celery felt like a good combo (it was not) – I then added in a pear and cucumbers. I f*cked it up. The taste in my mouth absolutely kills any food taste and absolutely wrecks anything enjoyable about food. I dropped another two pounds and am getting that much closer to my goal weight. That’s my ray of sunshine lol.

Lately I’ve been thinking about a new path for myself. One being culinary school and the other is nursing school. I don’t know if becoming a nurse in my mid 40s is a thing but the culinary part wouldn’t be a career change and to be honest I don’t know if nursing would be a career change either. So why nursing? No idea – I want to be like the nurses at COH that cared and supported me.

I don’t where I want to land but I know while I’m healing I want to grow and learn. Applying culinary skills would help me learn to cook for my family. Learning a new language on Babbel will help me be better and understand more. Nursing school – I don’t know there. I’ve heard that nursing school is designed to pass the test and then everything else is OTJ training. Would I wasteful if I didn’t then do OTJ – how does / could this skill apply to me? I don’t know.

Today was a good eating day. I had two buns, 3 lychees, and 1/4 bowl of soba noodles as well as a 3/4 cup of oatmeal. Overall – I ate today.

Lastly I want to publish my blog. My story. My journey. Not a clue how to even start but hoping to stare this journey and the lessons learned.