Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

My stats have been taking a dip. Today is a week home from the hospital. While I don’t necessarily “feel” better on Day 24 – I’m holding on. The nausea has hit a level of high that puts me in the fetal position. I’ve survived on not eating to calm my stomach and saltines resulting in feeling complete weak as I’m literally starving myself; unknowingly as my mind is in a total fog. I done f*cked up somewhere. Avoiding food eliminated the stomach pains and nausea but also deprives my body of nutrients. You’d think I’d not only know this but put two and two together. Nope. I was so focused on the pain and avoiding it that I simply negated this fact.

I’m back on 3 different nausea medications plus one new one. I’m spacing the medication and letting it ride before attempting food. I had 1/4 bite of a granola bar, 1/4 bite of a sauceless spinach ravioli, one grape and one fig. That was the most that I have actually eaten. This result in throwing up violently twice and sitting upright rocking myself back and forth with the ceiling fan on high to ride out the third nausea episodes at 12:30am.

8:30am Went to see Dr P on Friday. Got my labs and my dressing changed and threw up on his office twice. He changed some medication removed what he felt wasn’t necessary and said that if things don’t change by Wednesday we may need to consider re-admission. Not exactly what I want right before Thanksgiving. I lost another 10 lbs since returning home on Thursday. My muscles are gone, the fat all remained – but it makes it that much harder to go up and down the stairs. To get out of bed; to do anything. J carried me up the stairs after we came home. I could t do it. I couldn’t get myself up the stairs. I was exhausted. I don’t even have the strength to write. I just sleep and sleep.

Back to sleep again