Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

Why did I pick that title? No freaking clue…the song got stuck in my head and that was that. The mood in the last post was too heavy to match the energy of what I was about to say. So I published and PIVOT! I was never a huge Friends fan in all honesty, I was a Dawson’s Creek fan. Like I was DEEEEEP into the Joey/Pacey love story and borderline obsessed when Pacey was for Andie and how she just murdered his heart. The “WB” had all my attention. I didn’t really love comedies…to this day I still don’t have a huge thing for “Big Bang” or “The Office” of whatever super funny sitcom there is out there. I love to laugh, but watching Ed Bundy adjust his nuts never chuckled my chuckles. To fit in during college I was “religious” about watching Friends with a group of girls and we would be squealing at 7:58pm that it was time and we would sing the song and clap to the beat. I hated that version of me. But I wanted to fit in a be in a group…so f*ck me…clap clap clap clap. Biggest eye roll ever lived. I mean it could have been worse right? I could have been religious about drink or taking shots…this just created this unemotional cocoon which was great for corporate. Life skills b*tches! Thankfully today, I can’t do fake for too long. I’ve got a solid 5 minutes of unemotional cocooning before my inner me b*tch slaps me into reality. Like no, we not doing this! Today I surround myself with women who at real and I’m so grateful for their inability to do the fake. I’m honored to be apart of their circle where they will just NOT put up with it or I can look at them during a birthday party with widen eyes and they KNOW it’s my SOS. Women need those friendship. You need a woman who will pull the rip cord. Bye B*tches, we not doing this! I got so many texts from “ghosts of me past”…”Omg OMG OMG…… Bing DIED!” Yup. Chemo and radiation were pretty f*cking grueling. Thanks for asking! It’s like the Swim Coach Lady…she just looks at me and nods. “Cancer sucks, thanks for asking. Can’t wait for volunteer for you again this year. Yup! You’re awesome.” I get flack for volunteering…It’s $120 for me to have both kids swim all summer. I’m not working for I can’t really afford any extra curricular activities especially summer activities. That’s literally the ONLY reason I do it, if I could afford NOT to do it…I’d be out. She’s not exactly a pleasant person but I have little contact with her and the only times we have “board” meetings I just sit on the WHOLE other side of the table. That’s why I volunteer for the community swimming, I don’t have a vast love of swimming, just saving some money which I don’t currently have for extra curricular activities.

This wasn’t even the point of this post, it was supposed to be show and tell. Lol But just to be able to be real and authentic about the poser I was is cathartic. I wanted to desperately to fit in back in the day, I mean…who doesn’t want to fit in? Everyone likes being liked. But now I’m too tired to fit in. I feel like the level of effort to be fake…just to fit in…f*ck it. I don’t have it in me to fit in. I’m not for everyone, if you don’t like me…oh well. I can’t fix that either.

Show and Tell:

Platelet have been holding steady on their own. This is a very great an amazing this because it means my body is healing and doing it’s job. It’s keeping me from bleeding out. Per Google: A normal platelet count ranges from 150,000 to 450,000 platelets per microliter of blood. Having more than 450,000 platelets is a condition called thrombocytosis; having less than 150,000 is known as thrombocytopenia.When you don’t have enough platelets, it’s called thrombocytopenia. Symptoms include easy bruising, and frequent bleeding from the gums, nose, or GI tract. Your platelet count drops when something is preventing your body from producing platelets.

White Blood Count: White blood cells, also called leucocytes, detect and deal with infections or foreign molecules that enter your body. White blood cells will produce antibodies to fight the infection and help with other immune responses. They are responsible for protecting your body from infection. As part of your immune system, white blood cells circulate in your blood and respond to injury or illness.

11/4/2023 has been the highest they have been since transplant. My gratitude is boundless, it means that the grafting is happening and it means that my body is doing with the Stem Cells and Bone Marrow what it is supposed to. I go to bed tonight immensely grateful. Thank you for the opportunity for kindness, perspective, gratitude and appreciation.