The mantra this morning is “It’s Fine!” – but I’m low key freaking out. CA EDD denied my claim because Dr C transitioned me to Dr G but Dr G couldn’t amend the claim because it was Dr C that did it – Dr C wrote that I was no longer under his care…and now… Continue reading

Tomorrow 6am is the first milestone biopsy. My FIL was supposed to take me, but then suddenly today I started to get anxious. I feel good in my heart, but my mind is delicate…sometimes it can go into places that it has no business going. I made it up the stairs on my own today,… Continue reading

Texting J to cook meals / food for me has proven difficult. He either doesn’t look at his phone or he doesn’t have the motivation to do it. Either way, it’s fine. I’m not upset about it – not his strength. My daughter however has become quite the little chef. She was the one who… Continue reading

I haven’t left the room today, J hooked me up to the IV before he left for the farmers’ market. I slept some more when they all left and stayed in bed for the remainder of the day. Mix is visiting me on Friday which I’m elated! Not only do I have one 27 year… Continue reading

Our traditional day of decorating for Christmas typically started today. Gobble gobble – let’s get on with it! Today would normally be our tree hunting day where we go to the Christmas Tree Farm and hunt for our perfect tree. Though last year we Costco tree’d it. The Douglas Firs are just not here. Pre-cut… Continue reading

There is so much to be grateful for. I woke up at 5:00am today and got myself to the bathroom. J and S were deep in slumber, the house filled with quiet snores. It was dark but as my adjusted I could see everyone sleeping peacefully. I m grateful I woke up this morning. I… Continue reading

All around me I see the little graces in text messages, memes or photos sent to just say hello. it feels inconsequential but to me these graces are incredibly valued by me. It’s my lesson learned from this horrific cancer. 11/29 is my biopsy – this is a big day for me as it is… Continue reading

The last two days despite the occasional vomiting I’ve been trying to eat more. Three piece of shredded chicken; 3 figs; noodles in a drop of soy sauce and a small handful of Cheerios. Does it taste wonderful no. My mouth is bitter, sour and metallic…not exactly appetizing. But so be it. I’m alive. It’s… Continue reading

My stats have been taking a dip. Today is a week home from the hospital. While I don’t necessarily “feel” better on Day 24 – I’m holding on. The nausea has hit a level of high that puts me in the fetal position. I’ve survived on not eating to calm my stomach and saltines resulting… Continue reading

Woke up at 4:30am despite my sleeping pills with my stomach singing to me. At this point any gas scares me (It sounds like a cat in my stomach meowing). As it could be explosive diarrhea, the fart of the century or plain hunger…I haven’t the slightest clue. But any sounds or movement give me… Continue reading