Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

One day at a time…

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My afternoon radiation was rough, I was sweating and shaking with only 3 minutes left. I needed to stop because I was feeling dizzy like I was going to go down. It doesn’t seem like much you’re just standing there. There’s a buzzing sound when it starts but that’s it. Nothing is touching but the air around you. But that’s when you feel it. The stinging, the burning…but not from the outside…it’s from the inside. The first 5-6 minutes don’t feel like anything awful. At the half way mark though it’s a piercing pain from the inside. Your stomach and inner organs feel like it’s getting boiled. The pain is all overpowering.

I was barely able to hang in there for the front and needed a break before I turned around for the back. I was dizzy and nauseated. I needed to sit for a moment and catch my breath. I sobbed. This is so f*cking hard. It’s unbelievable how air literally takes your breathe away. It took me a minute to collect myself, wipe my tears away and gather my energy for the second half of radiation.

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About Me

Hello, my name is Nina. I am a mother, wife, daughter and friend. I am lover of country music, & 80’s love ballad. I love me some karaoke! I identify as hot mess mom. I get it wrong, all the time. On the rare occasions I get it right? Even I’m shocked.

I am a working professional in the field of Compliance. I am mother two, daughter to immigrant parents, wife to a “redneck” – and proud of it, sister-in-law to the two most incredible human beings I have ever met and a niece that is just so cool but doesn’t know it.

I work too hard and play too little. I’ve always focus on the wrong thing and never quite sure if I’m ever enough. I grew up on the East Coast and was a latchkey kid in the 80’s and 90’s – I dodged the sketchy people on the walk home and tried not to end up on a milk carton.

I went to a very privileged Boarding School on the East Coast and college after that. (So yeah that’s exactly why this journal will be riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. On the days I feel good, I’ll type it out. On the days I don’t feel good it’ll be voice to text. I can not be held liable for the things Siri puts in as my “voice”. ) Graduated on a Friday and started Fleet Bank on a Saturday. I hustled my way through the midnight shift at DHL and hustled and hustled and hustled. I knew nothing except the hustle. (As I said, I’m a hot mess mom).

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