Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

There’s always something about biopsy day that makes me anxious. It’s not like a test you can study for. It’s just something you either pass or fail. But it’s completely out of your control. At this point, drinking the “super green juice” isn’t going to change your results. So why the anxiety? Because if it’s good, I can move to apply for transplant…if it’s bad, it’s square one. I won’t know the results for about a week or so. I have learned not to read the results that are sent to me electronically through the app. In fact, I knew the cancer had returned before Dr P told me. Those results are good on one hand, because you know, right away, I hate not knowing. On the other hand, the news wasn’t good. Double edge sword. Who am I kidding, I’m going to read the results as soon the app says “You have a new test result.”

My appointment starts at 6:00am tomorrow. Damn, that is early. Kids have games tomorrow and J is volunteering as an assistant coach. It’s a double header for her. Who makes these schedules up for little kids? This is crazy. Dinner will be Subway…because I simply can not do more than pick up dinner for him. I won’t be able to watch all three games tomorrow. I don’t think I have the stamina to stay awake for that long. I can bring dinner to everyone and maybe watch one game, but that’s about all I’d have in me. I’d still have to drive home. On second thought, I might just pick up dinner and drop dinner off with L and go home. After a full day of biopsy, CT tests and Echo’s…I don’t know how safe I would feel driving after the game.

And here we are. Clothes are in one bag and shoes in another. J questions my choice of headgear. I mean it is what it is but what is the hair cap protecting? Good question. I don’t know myself. I’m anxious about my appointments since they are back to back today. I’m already late to my VAD appointment which makes me nervous since I have CT and Echo as well.

I am high as a kite. The sedative they gave me was wonderful. Dr told me scoot up and then BAM I was out and woke up in recovery. It was quick. CT was even faster. I’m only late for my VAD but sitting at Echo now (actually on time). J has to go back to the other end of the hospital to get the car and the pee sample for VAD. It’s only 9:10 but I have already completed two appointments. We had all the inappropriate conversations like how my jankey feet should be on FeetFinders and that I could get paid. I’ll consider this because I have a unique offering jankey leukemia feet. I mean there’s gotta be a market for that. Food for thought.

Biopsies should all be done under sedation if tolerated. It was even better than the twilight sedation I had before. I was talking about a cologne bottle when I woke up from biopsy; something about it must have broken and a nurse said “It’s just Ben” – I said “Ben, spray and walk, that’s all it takes!” I reminded Ray on the way out to have picked the hip with no cancer. He gave me a fist pump and we were off and on our way to CT.

Echocardiogram started off okay except the blood pressure machine didn’t work. The tech was struggling with it for 15 minutes and asked for help. The guy walked in and asked if I had my blood pressure take today. I said yes before biopsy. He asked me what it was and I responded “133/81” – he said “God bless” and typed 133/81 into the system. I have to admit; that made me laugh a bit. But funnier came later. The tech was scanning my heart, clicking on the computer and scanning again. Then she says “Sniff” – what?!?! LOL I may still have been high but I asked “Do I smell?” She almost fell out of her chair and legit couldn’t stop laughing. She explained she needed scans of my heart when I took a small inhale and that I didn’t smell. Haha. But of course I couldn’t keep it together and laughed every time I sniffed. So naturally we both laughed which made the appointment that much longer.

Labs were a bit of a challenge today. Firstly they were a lot vials again. This was a repeat from two months ago – so I knew what was coming. Except the Nurse was new and had trouble with the computer. She processed the 24 hour urine sample, then took a fresh urine sample and needed it all to register in the computer. She changed my dressing but got her gloves stuck to the dressing/me. It was a two hour appointment. But things happen…and while normally I have very little patience, I genuinely understand she’s trying her best…and I laughed it off.

Got home around 2:00pm and it’s a wrap. I was going to watch the game but realize my tank is empty. I’ll just hang out with L until I drop him off.