Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

Ever notice something more when you’re experiencing it? When I got e-scooters, all of a sudden I saw e-scooters EVERYWHERE. Like all of a sudden the entire neighborhood had damn e-scooters. Same for when I got an e-bike, like literally everyone had one. Now cancer is everywhere, every celebrity has it and it’s everywhere. I’ve been binge watching FBI, I’m on S3E2 – Unreasonable Doubt. I was folding laundry for most of the episode so I really didn’t focus or pay that much attention to it. Typical episode, someone is dead and they need to find the killer. FBI agents notice that the pattern was very similar to that of a case from 8 years ago, but they had DNA evidence that made the case solid. The unsub was sick as a child, he had leukemia. That word always has my attention. That unsub had acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL) and he had to have a bone marrow transplant from a matched unrelated donor. I have (AML) acute myeloid leukemia. I don’t know why I Goggle anything. Nothing good comes from Googling cancer. Acute myeloid leukemia (AML) is one of the hardest-to-treat blood cancers. And though it’s possible to achieve remission with drugs that target and destroy the stem cells that give rise to leukemia, the disease usually returns with deadly consequences.

Anyway, because he had ALL, and there was a bone marrow transplant – this unsub has DNA from someone else. That was the link between the unsub and the person who was framed.

I hate reading that in print. “Returns with deadly consequences” – I don’t even want to say those words or send that to the universe. Again, I don’t know why I Google anything. The statistics are for the average patient age 65+ so why the heck am I looking up nonsense? Tonight the children and J are headed to a double game. I didn’t have the stamina last week for one game, so J suggested that I sit this one out. It sucks for sure. I look forward to the Friday shenanigans. This morning was funny – YouTube Fridays occur in our household but apparently YouTube wasn’t working. So I go downstairs to make breakfast for the children and L whines “Mama! YouTube isn’t working on YouTube Day!” I had to hold in my laughter at his semi serious plea. Like magic…I got YouTube to work. He started to yell for his sister. “OMG, Hurry! We only have 30 minutes. YouTube is working!” His sister flew down the stairs to be a potato right next to him. For the next 30 minutes before school, I felt my brain melt to mush. We were watching two morons doing moronic things. One wanted to see how much butter he could eat. Youth of America…I fear for your future. Another one wanted to fart into a jar and then light it on fire. It wasn’t until S said “Um….I think we broke Mom” that I realized I had the stank face on and it was frozen. That’s where the wrinkles are gonna be on me, the stank face lip!

On a positive note, my long term disability has been approved until 12/21/2023 and then they follow up every 90 days.

The children just flew out of here like a bat out of hell. It’s just me tonight with my FBI or my online game that quite frankly I have zero interest in playing. I may just sit downstairs and watch TV and if I have the energy in the tank, I’ll make some broccoli cheddar. It seems pretty simple but I’ve never had much success with béchamel.

I chatted with J yesterday afternoon about wanting a different identity. This fool says I’m waiting too much TV, I don’t need to be in witness protection. I swear we can’t have serious conversations. I have worked my entire adult life and I don’t know anything else. The last 6 months have been the first time in my adult life that I haven’t worked. I feel kinda lost. J said I am not a singular hobby type of person. I think he has a valid point. I like baking but I couldn’t see myself baking large batches of anything. I like to make sauces and jams, but on a scale for sale…I’ll pass. I could see myself crafting on the Cricut but I am not making a thousand t-shirts. So J suggested that I ebb and flow on my hobbies, do a little of one…and move to another. I think that is better for me. Couch potato isn’t my choice hobby though the indentation in the couch says I am very good at this hobby.

I made the broccoli cheddar…I don’t think it turned out. I hope that I’m wrong and L will like it. I feel like the soup never boiled and remained warm but never boiled. The recipe says that if it cooked on too high of heat it’ll turn out grainy. So a low low simmer is what I have. While I’m disappointed that I sat alone at home today I know it was the right decision.