Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

One day at a time…

Jankey WiFi

I have some jankey budget internet that I pay an arm and a leg for but 4 devices can not connect at one time. The last two days haven’t been high energy at all. I woke up this morning to peel myself out of bed to make breakfast for the children and proceeded to climb back into bed. I have labs, dressing change and infusion tomorrow – so I have to actually peel myself out of bed and leave the house.

J and I have been using words like when I’m better, when I feel better, when the cancer the gone…and I caught myself realizing that after transplant isn’t a end goal – it’s a lifelong goal to be cancer free and to take care of my body. Transplant just fixes my body’s inability to recognize cancer – but it doesn’t mean I fall back on old habits. I will need to make sure I take care of my body. Firstly with sleep. Those days of 2-3 hours of sleep are over. There is no bedtime after 10:30pm; there is nothing more important then to shut down work and to be present with family. More camping and more nature. Less stress. I need to find an outlet for my stress that is positive.

This will be a forever battle because it will require me to focus of my health and well being more. I will need to control my actions to care for myself. It’s interesting to think about living cancer free because it’s always there reminding you – remember when?

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About Me

Hello, my name is Nina. I am a mother, wife, daughter and friend. I am lover of country music, & 80’s love ballad. I love me some karaoke! I identify as hot mess mom. I get it wrong, all the time. On the rare occasions I get it right? Even I’m shocked.

I am a working professional in the field of Compliance. I am mother two, daughter to immigrant parents, wife to a “redneck” – and proud of it, sister-in-law to the two most incredible human beings I have ever met and a niece that is just so cool but doesn’t know it.

I work too hard and play too little. I’ve always focus on the wrong thing and never quite sure if I’m ever enough. I grew up on the East Coast and was a latchkey kid in the 80’s and 90’s – I dodged the sketchy people on the walk home and tried not to end up on a milk carton.

I went to a very privileged Boarding School on the East Coast and college after that. (So yeah that’s exactly why this journal will be riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. On the days I feel good, I’ll type it out. On the days I don’t feel good it’ll be voice to text. I can not be held liable for the things Siri puts in as my “voice”. ) Graduated on a Friday and started Fleet Bank on a Saturday. I hustled my way through the midnight shift at DHL and hustled and hustled and hustled. I knew nothing except the hustle. (As I said, I’m a hot mess mom).

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