Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

One day at a time…

Grateful

Gratitude is a really hard emotion. https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cu235tZuik5/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

I saw this on my IG feed and realized how true this is. I saw another celebrity lost his partner to cancer. Fuck. I gotta stop going there. Grateful for life means being grateful for it all. Grateful for the good and the bad. I hate the way I feel right now, it’s consistently feeling like trash. I hurt, from my neck down to the bottoms of my feet. It hurts all over. Today has just been rough. It makes me question my strength. Can I do this? Am I strong enough? Can I beat this? I know I need this transplant to stop this cancer from coming back over and over. I don’t know how much longer my body can hold on doing these intensive chemo cycles. I hate the way everything hurts. The consistent discomfort.

This is where I am with the shed. I’m back at Golem again though it fell out very intensely like I was shedding that summer coat. I’m back to the silk pillowcase because my scalp hurts. My head hurts. My body hurts and I don’t want to be touched. But I miss the hugs from the kids. So I grit it and hug them. My skin feels like it’s on fire and peeling from the inside out. Today I really hate this. I hate cancer is usually but I can manage. Today I am struggling to manage.

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About Me

Hello, my name is Nina. I am a mother, wife, daughter and friend. I am lover of country music, & 80’s love ballad. I love me some karaoke! I identify as hot mess mom. I get it wrong, all the time. On the rare occasions I get it right? Even I’m shocked.

I am a working professional in the field of Compliance. I am mother two, daughter to immigrant parents, wife to a “redneck” – and proud of it, sister-in-law to the two most incredible human beings I have ever met and a niece that is just so cool but doesn’t know it.

I work too hard and play too little. I’ve always focus on the wrong thing and never quite sure if I’m ever enough. I grew up on the East Coast and was a latchkey kid in the 80’s and 90’s – I dodged the sketchy people on the walk home and tried not to end up on a milk carton.

I went to a very privileged Boarding School on the East Coast and college after that. (So yeah that’s exactly why this journal will be riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. On the days I feel good, I’ll type it out. On the days I don’t feel good it’ll be voice to text. I can not be held liable for the things Siri puts in as my “voice”. ) Graduated on a Friday and started Fleet Bank on a Saturday. I hustled my way through the midnight shift at DHL and hustled and hustled and hustled. I knew nothing except the hustle. (As I said, I’m a hot mess mom).

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