Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

One day at a time…

Final Chemo?

Ultimately that is the hope, that today is my final chemo round and that this will have successfully killed the cancer left in my bones. I’m tired, I realized that this fight is more holding on than anything but I’m tired of the chemo. I’m tired of feeling awful all the time. My eyesight isn’t as sharp anymore, neither is my through process. I want to make plans to go camping again, I want to live. Except now my mind is consumed with the cancer and it coming back. If it came back this time, it could come back again. I;be had non-stop chemo for the last 5 months. I’m tired.

At the end of the day, I’m still here…though I don’t feel strong, I’ve been at this chemo for 5 months.

Positives, really grateful I had Nurse S for two days. Not only kind but super on his chemo game. Kids are getting Taco Bell tonight….the farts that are coming. I’m frightened. I don’t have my bidet – this could be trouble.

Today is quiet, kids stopped by again before heading home. I’m super super grateful to have seen them. I am feeling more tired and nauseous than before but the doctor said that should my stats hold for the next few days, I could be going home midweek. That would be great to go back to my own bed. To actually sleep and not be woken up every 4 hours to get my vitals taken. I’m exhausted. Off to another nap.

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About Me

Hello, my name is Nina. I am a mother, wife, daughter and friend. I am lover of country music, & 80’s love ballad. I love me some karaoke! I identify as hot mess mom. I get it wrong, all the time. On the rare occasions I get it right? Even I’m shocked.

I am a working professional in the field of Compliance. I am mother two, daughter to immigrant parents, wife to a “redneck” – and proud of it, sister-in-law to the two most incredible human beings I have ever met and a niece that is just so cool but doesn’t know it.

I work too hard and play too little. I’ve always focus on the wrong thing and never quite sure if I’m ever enough. I grew up on the East Coast and was a latchkey kid in the 80’s and 90’s – I dodged the sketchy people on the walk home and tried not to end up on a milk carton.

I went to a very privileged Boarding School on the East Coast and college after that. (So yeah that’s exactly why this journal will be riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. On the days I feel good, I’ll type it out. On the days I don’t feel good it’ll be voice to text. I can not be held liable for the things Siri puts in as my “voice”. ) Graduated on a Friday and started Fleet Bank on a Saturday. I hustled my way through the midnight shift at DHL and hustled and hustled and hustled. I knew nothing except the hustle. (As I said, I’m a hot mess mom).

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