Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

One day at a time…

August 2023

  • Unsure

    I have becoming increasingly unsure of myself. I’m scared. I’m not drinking water every hour the way I was. I’m not walking as much as I have been. I an focused on the wrong things. In a matter of 7 days – I have lost just about all my hair. I know the high dosage Continue reading

  • Grateful

    Gratitude is a really hard emotion. https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cu235tZuik5/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== I saw this on my IG feed and realized how true this is. I saw another celebrity lost his partner to cancer. Fuck. I gotta stop going there. Grateful for life means being grateful for it all. Grateful for the good and the bad. I hate the way Continue reading

  • Not a Hero

    There was a moment today after getting my blood draw that I thought is be good. Today was a double header. I needed blood and platelet transfusions. My body is still not stabilizing – my stats are still dropping at fast moving rates. I definitely don’t love that. J left after blood results and went Continue reading

  • Snuggles

    It’s 4:18am another early morning. S slept in my room again, we fell asleep holding hands again. I was too tired last night for shenanigans. L and J were horsing around acting a fool – so I came up stairs to be away from the craziness. I did manage to tidy my room yesterday and Continue reading

  • Baby Snores

    I had a miserable night, nausea and a migraine. S laid down in my bed with me as she watched her iPad and held my hand until I fell asleep. I woke up at 2:56am to her lightly baby snoring. That’s what I call her deep sleep breathing. Even as a baby she would baby Continue reading

  • Big Day

    The children head off to the first day of school today. Our tradition is new shoes, pancakes and photos on the stairs. This is a special first day of school as this is the last year they will be in the same school until high school. This is also special because I wasn’t sure if Continue reading

  • Late

    Racing to yet another 7 am appointment. We’ve been doing this since I was discharged. J feels the need to go to work for 30 minutes and drive back to pick me up to take me to the appointment. Where is the ROI? Because every appointment- I’m late to. It’s 6:59am and I’m not where Continue reading

  • No Blood / No Platelets

    I struggled to get out of bed this morning, 6:30am is rough. I didn’t take my morning pills and felt sluggish. I was already outside waiting for J when he pulled up to the house. It’s like a full time job. I have been at the infusion center every day at 7:00am since I returned Continue reading

  • Transfusion Dance

    I get platelets and over night I drop from 25 to 9. it’s disappointing. My hemoglobin go from 7.4 to 6.2. All signs that I need the transplant but also that the chemo is working. It’s working so well that my hair is falling out again. It actually started to get long enough to have Continue reading

  • Quiet

    I’ve been waking up between 3:00am-4:00am the last few days. I don’t know if it’s the hydration that is forcing my bladder to wake up earlier or I just can’t sleep. The mind is going into awful places. I had a dream that it was time for my to say goodbye. I had the oxygen Continue reading

About Me

Hello, my name is Nina. I am a mother, wife, daughter and friend. I am lover of country music, & 80’s love ballad. I love me some karaoke! I identify as hot mess mom. I get it wrong, all the time. On the rare occasions I get it right? Even I’m shocked.

I am a working professional in the field of Compliance. I am mother two, daughter to immigrant parents, wife to a “redneck” – and proud of it, sister-in-law to the two most incredible human beings I have ever met and a niece that is just so cool but doesn’t know it.

I work too hard and play too little. I’ve always focus on the wrong thing and never quite sure if I’m ever enough. I grew up on the East Coast and was a latchkey kid in the 80’s and 90’s – I dodged the sketchy people on the walk home and tried not to end up on a milk carton.

I went to a very privileged Boarding School on the East Coast and college after that. (So yeah that’s exactly why this journal will be riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. On the days I feel good, I’ll type it out. On the days I don’t feel good it’ll be voice to text. I can not be held liable for the things Siri puts in as my “voice”. ) Graduated on a Friday and started Fleet Bank on a Saturday. I hustled my way through the midnight shift at DHL and hustled and hustled and hustled. I knew nothing except the hustle. (As I said, I’m a hot mess mom).

Recent Posts

Newsletter