Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

It’s a struggle today to get out of bed. 3 days post chemo, and I woke up with the tank empty. I have to pick up the house today – hopefully the children will help but I still need to get out of bed. I find that if I change into clothing – anything besides my jammies I am more productive. Not structured pants though. I’m not crazy. I don’t use the alarm anymore, not since the children have been on summer break. It’s a weird roller coaster. The first two days or so of chemo. I am strong and I am feeling great. Sometimes it doesn’t even seem like I’m sick until I look in the mirror and see my bald head. About 2 to 3 days after the cycle of chemo is done, I start to drop. I hit my worst on my second week and slowly climb through it by mid 3rd week. That’s when I feel better and better. Rinse and repeat. Remission chemo feels a bit like a bait switch because you still have to go through this chemo but you’re in remission. So it’s a bit of a falsehood.

During the decline is when my brain starts to wander. I still look at myself in the mirror as a stranger I’ve yet to try on the other two wigs that I bought from Amazon. I’m not motivated. If it weren’t for the hot sun, I wouldn’t wear anything on my head so hot and itchy. But I see the way people look at me without a head cover. And starting to wallow so it’s time to physically get out of bed and put some clothes on to try and start the day in some capacity.

I was able to get some home logistics done after all and made meatloaf though J brought home pizza. So meatloaf for tomorrow I guess. After sitting on the couch wallowing again I shook it off for a mile walk. At first I thought I would need the walker but decided I should bring it just in case. I’m glad I did. I got to the end of the block and my legs needed a rest. After my walk I prepared a quick snack for the kids as they were being feral for most of the day. They left the house with just an orange in their tummies. They woke up at 9:50am and at 10:00am their friends knocked on the door and within 15 minutes they were out the door. I have never seen two children more motivate to clean their rooms than those wanting to go out and play. So after they picked up their rooms, laundry and over all mess…they shot out of the house like a rocket. I made them a snack of sorts in case they came home looking for food. Around 3:00pm they came home and grabbed a spam musubi – out again like a rocket. Beyond some food prep and walking – I didn’t have much in me today. Tomorrow is another day!