Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

I’m always cold. Feet, arms, chest…always cold. Apparently this may stay with me long after the cancer fades. The cold never bothered me anyway… That’s not entirely true and this cold is down to the bones – it slightly hurts when it’s cold.

S had me put oil in her hair tonight as well as some leave in conditioner…and then all over a sudden it turned into a full on hair session that included braids. I’m pretty proud of them as the dexterity in my fingers has deteriorated a bit. But I managed to get her braids fairly even. It seems small, but these small things are wonderful to me. I get disappointed when she tells me she doesn’t want me to do her hair. Or when she brushes me off with “I’ll just put it in a pony-tail” and while I know there will be a day where it’ll be the last time she asks me to do her hair – I just want that a little longer. For now she does ask me from time to time to do her hair – and it’s still a warm wonderful feeling to be asked.

The kids decided they wanted to stay camping well into the afternoon and ate their breakfast in the yard. I will say I was pretty impressed that L put up and broke down the tent on his own. I let them be this morning/afternoon as long as they got along, I was happy. I’m always happy when they get along and try to feed them before they start bickering. Hanger is a real this, they get it from J. I get “sleep-gry” if that’s a thing. After we cleaned up M picked me up for a quick Costco trip. M and I saw a certain someone that we both wanted to avoid, and with one look from M – I turned my motorized cart and made a beeline to another aisle making sure that I turned my head leaving her in the dust as she wheezed laughing behind me. She laughed hysterically while quietly whispering “Don’t leave me! HAHAHA” No doubt I left her in the dust and was not going to be spotted! #sorrynotsorry Look I’m not one to bail in the midst of trouble, but if there is someone we both trying to avoid…good luck friend, I’m out hehe.

S and I found a new brownie recipe and decided to take a crack at it. I supervised and read off each ingredient and its quantity as well as each step. She executed it marvelously! 40 minutes later, it was a perfectly fudgey brownie! J gave it a 10/10…which surprised me as he rarely gives my creations that high of a score. There’s usually something wrong with it…or some critique, like with his hair…he’s a picky b*tch.

It certainly was an active day, and now it’s time for bed. The next two weeks will be pretty busy, and I’m excited for busy. Bloodwork, transplant doctor appointment, field trip prep, play prep, camping…biopsy and then a restart of chemo. I’ve been thinking lately that I’m not going to ask to have my PICC reinserted since the transplant team is not keen on a Port. I’m going to keep my big girl panties on a get the IV each time. It’ll suck getting chemo through an IV each time for 7 days, but it’ll allow me to freely shower and even swim if I have the energy. I’d like to maybe get stronger by swimming. It might be wishful thinking right now, but something to strive for! I mean move over hot girl summer… it’s chemo girl summer!!! It’s not funny, but kind of funny to me. So hoping that by July I am able to get more strength to walk to the pool and swim during the day. Cart before the horse. I’m going to look into a walker/chair so that I am actually able to make it a little further on my own and rest when I need to.

I’d have to pimp it out with a canopy of sort so I don’t get totally burned.

More research needs to be done still. But that’s the basics of what I’m looking for. I know at this point I don’t have the ability to fully be out on my own without assistance, but hoping this walker can give me the ability to have freedom and rest at the same time.

Research tomorrow. Tonight, bed!