Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

I can’t say I’m an avid reader…as I don’t actually read. I’m an avid “listener”. I use to commute 5 hours a day to work. My train mates watched movies on their iPads while I found myself unable to enter the suspension of disbelief to enjoy any show. Instead I’d fire up the laptop and work (it was an obsession) until I either had a transfer or at my home stop. I tried playing Pokémon Go for a while too because train stations often has gyms and critters to catch…and quickly found that boring too. On one commute home my laptop battery died, I had one too many meetings that day without my charging cord, and now I was left with nothing to do…except look at my phone. It would have been nice if that sh*t happened towards the end of my commute, but nope…the train hadn’t even left LA Union Station.

Of course I raced through the station so that I could get what I deemed the best seat on the train…it was the 2nd car, 2nd level and the aisle seat of the right back quad. I barfed a little typing that out, if that’s the complete definition of pathetic I don’t know what is. I feel the need to explain: The 2nd car dropped me off exactly at the closest exit at my home stop. It’s also right behind the engine, so there isn’t a connecting door which means I could put my big backpack on the floor next to me. The 2nd level was the “quiet” level cause if I forgot my headphones I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on work and the 2nd level had the tables. The aisle seat was so that if I had someone next to me – I could shift my leg to the aisle.

So I’m in my favorite seat, and boom…dead laptop. I’m irritated and muttering to myself while I look for headphones. PLEASE be in this bag. There’s gotta be some corded thing in the web of cords. “What what found it!” I said to myself…using my outside voice. I made the mistake of making eye contact with other train mates…it was awkward. I shoved the headphone in my ears to try and move on from my weirdo actions.

I scrolled through my phone with spotty cell service and found a whole lot of nothing. Texted J about both my laptop dying and my weirdo actions…he texted back “You are weirdo. Do you! Read a book!” So supportive! As*hole. Am I going to sh*t a book out? Oh…Amazon. I’m so glad I didn’t text him back with that and it was my inside voice! I scrolled through Amazon looking for Nicholas Sparks and found an audiobook version. Oh hey….the audiobook was cheaper! Score! It began my love for audiobooks and I “listen” on average 4 books a week but when Covid hit – I stopped commuting and listening. I picked it back up about a month before I got sick. I was randomly scrolling through and found “Becoming” which I was put off by – non fiction books just aren’t my thing. I also roll my eyes at anything politics…again, not my thing. But I hit download anyway and figured I’d give it 10 minutes and bail as my other selections downloaded. Surprisingly I liked the book, she talked about her childhood, school, work and meeting her husband. She talked about having kids and the disparity between being a mom and dad. It was surprisingly relatable…and wasn’t really political at all. Today I downloaded “The Light We Carry” – I’m on Chapter 2, “Decoding Fear” and it hits home to exactly where my mind is at sometimes.

I tried to stay active today with some weight training – 2.5lbs…we’re no hero. It burns lifting my arms and is very slow going but I need to gain more strength and the stamina to stand for longer durations. My body and mind drift me to sleep after very little activity. Like now.