When you’re heart and cup runneth over. Cancer has taught me the ability to endure pain and see it through the other side. Cancer has continued to teach me about compassion and kindness. The nurses here that have cared for me the last two weeks along with the aids. My heart is so full. Stomach Continue reading

The last few birthdays have been devastating to me. I lost Charlie in my arms at home two years ago on April 3rd – I was a zombie. After 17 years – a piece of my heart went away with him. Last year I waited patiently by the orchid I was given by F for Continue reading

The last few days have just been a switch of fetal positions and stomachache pain. CT Results: Colitis. An inflammatory reaction in the colon, often autoimmune or infectious. Not my best me. The last two days the fog has been pretty thick. At one point it looked like we were in a cloud. Very representative Continue reading

12:00pm 4/9 It’s been a really rough two days. My stomach pain has intensified to just fetal position. Kevin is beeping every two hours and I’m loosing my mind. The lack of sleep is getting to me. I’m spiraling. This fu*king sucks! I had a meltdown at 1:30am when Kevin beeped and another one at Continue reading

Yesterday was not my finest hour. I was sluggish, tired and so so foggy. It required so much effort to focus and concentrate. I couldn’t communicate fast enough, couldn’t think or react. WTF? Am I stroking out? Dr Google notes there are some permanent effects to chemotherapy – ability for balance, physical disability, chronic pains Continue reading

4:08am Because of the infection, seizure and drop in stats – I’m being watched a bit more closely. My pee hat is back on the toilet to monitor output and samples are being taken. So instead of the 10pm – 5am split at night – I’m at every 4 hours – sleep is a little Continue reading

Towards the later part of the afternoon yesterday I didn’t feel well. Dr. C veto’d the blood and I generally had very little energy, which is not an uncommon side effect of Chemotherapy. But I stayed in bed pretty much all day with the pumping leg things to prevent clots. I didn’t walk at all Continue reading

4:42am Kevin now Chad for the day… he punked me. He beeped to wake me up and then stopped beeping when Nurse Z walked in. WTF! Are you kidding me? I said the naming situation was fluid and I’m grateful you beeped to alert that I wasn’t actually connected to chemo…I also need sleep man. Continue reading

After my 5:00am blood draw and vitals I was able to take a little nap and slept in until 7:30am right at shift change. Nurse Iz wouldn’t be back until Monday. I have Nurse J today. She’s not as warm as Nurse C or Iz or R – but I found out last night that Continue reading

My relationship with my mother has never been as easy one. Long before the book “Battle Hymns of a Tiger Mother” was written Amy Tan wrote the “Joy Luck Club” and described the ‘two kinds’ of daughters: those who are obedient and those who follow their own mind. It’s easy to guess I was the one Continue reading