Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

One day at a time…

April 2023

  • Zebras

    The pathologist called Dr C. I need another round chemotherapy. I need to let this settle in. I’m faking it. I’m not okay. I’m not okay. My heart is racing. I’m not okay. Why? Why is it always Zebras? Why can’t it be horses? Continue reading

  • Torn

    Is that not a sight? I decided to walk to the window this morning an take a photo to really capture the beauty. The sun is only slowly peaking through. This is the gratitude. This is the feeling I get when I have woken up here for the last 22 days. Even through the pain, Continue reading

  • Waiting Game

    Waiting for the results…sigh. A watched pot never boils? The waiting. I think back to the first bone marrow biopsy and that waiting game. That was a horrible wait. Do I have cancer? When Dr C said “You have AML” – he said it so factually. He did not mince words. And now we wait Continue reading

  • Second Time

    I missed the morning sunrise as I found myself getting pulled into sleep. Even after Nurse R woke me to take blood. I was tired. I found energy didn’t come easy to me this morning. So I let it be and slept. I try not to dream (not that it’s a preventable thing) but I Continue reading

  • Quiet Sunday

    4:30pm. A blessed Sunday. I slept until 6:30am. Woke up, stretched to the peaking sunshine at the horizon. The marine layer made it easy for me to snuggle back to bed for and extra nappy nap. Meds and Vitals around 7. Then just relaxed. I walked 3 laps with Nurse Jo since my stats are Continue reading

  • Strong

    Auntie K took my S to the Hello Kitty Café for a special Auntie Day and got some yummy treats! Then she took her to get her galaxy nails done so she’d be nice and fancy for her party next week. Auntie F took L for a game a catch with her boys. To know Continue reading

  • Little Hawk

    There is a little hawk that glides by my window hunting for its breakfast in the morning. It sings it’s song and glides again. I haven’t actually witness success or failure yet, but it’s there as a reminder to me that we all struggle. My initial intent of the blog was a therapeutic free write Continue reading

  • Fri-yay Fun

    It’s Friday. I know I need another platelet transfusions and my hemoglobin dropped down to 6.6 so another unit of O+ blood my my vampire self. Blood in first, took a nap. Blood ended. Platelet next, took a nap. Then around 2:00pm towards the end of the transfusion I started to cough and felt like Continue reading

  • Every 20

    I didn’t get my usual Day Nurse and was assigned a friendly yet flighty. Nurse K. The theme was ohh shoot I forgot something I’ll be right back so she would disappear come back in 15 and disappear again. It seemed to coordinate with the exact moment I was falling asleep. Diabetic Blood Prick every Continue reading

  • Blurrr

    Despite the platelet transfusions my stats still slipped below the safety level of the biopsy. So in the morning I had another platelet transfusion and was wheeled off to get my biopsy. J had and event with the kids I know they really wanted to have him there for. And well I was too tired Continue reading

About Me

Hello, my name is Nina. I am a mother, wife, daughter and friend. I am lover of country music, & 80’s love ballad. I love me some karaoke! I identify as hot mess mom. I get it wrong, all the time. On the rare occasions I get it right? Even I’m shocked.

I am a working professional in the field of Compliance. I am mother two, daughter to immigrant parents, wife to a “redneck” – and proud of it, sister-in-law to the two most incredible human beings I have ever met and a niece that is just so cool but doesn’t know it.

I work too hard and play too little. I’ve always focus on the wrong thing and never quite sure if I’m ever enough. I grew up on the East Coast and was a latchkey kid in the 80’s and 90’s – I dodged the sketchy people on the walk home and tried not to end up on a milk carton.

I went to a very privileged Boarding School on the East Coast and college after that. (So yeah that’s exactly why this journal will be riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. On the days I feel good, I’ll type it out. On the days I don’t feel good it’ll be voice to text. I can not be held liable for the things Siri puts in as my “voice”. ) Graduated on a Friday and started Fleet Bank on a Saturday. I hustled my way through the midnight shift at DHL and hustled and hustled and hustled. I knew nothing except the hustle. (As I said, I’m a hot mess mom).

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