Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

4:08am Because of the infection, seizure and drop in stats – I’m being watched a bit more closely. My pee hat is back on the toilet to monitor output and samples are being taken. So instead of the 10pm – 5am split at night – I’m at every 4 hours – sleep is a little less now. So after my 9:30pm meds – I drifted to sleep with my ear plugs and passed out. Nurse Iz came in at the scheduled time but I was so passed out that I didn’t even know where I was or what was happened. She literally scared a fart out of me! Thank God I had peed and pooped before bed because my BM situation is NOT reliable. I gasped and J woke up asking “What’s going on?!” Nurse Iz said my face said it all. I looked like a deer in headlights just…. DUH. So home invaders, just take the stuff cause I’m just DUH…not a good look at all! Clearly zero survival instincts. I would fart and stare. SMH.

But wait there’s more…the 3am work up was better. The picc line got stuck, Nurse Iz wasn’t able to get blood out, which apparently is common when having a picc line for a long duration. So…we walked. I’m awake now. There will be people logging my board, scanning my equipment, (to make sure I won’t take Kevin home? – I never want to get back together Kevin) nutrition, housekeeping, infectious disease doctor, internal medicine doctor, Alli, Dr C and Alli again — it’ll keep me up without much sleep. But I got my walk in.

5:41am. Nurse Iz just came in to give me Urokinase to unblock my picc line since the walking didn’t seem to help. She also gave me the update to my bloodwork. I’m reaching Nadir. I had to Google that sh*t because I associated that with Ralph Nader. Same pronunciations. So Nadir medically per Dr Google: Nadir is a term that basically means low point. When a person with cancer reaches their “nadir” following each chemotherapy cycle, it means that the person’s blood cell counts are the lowest they will be during that treatment cycle. Each chemotherapy treatment comes with a nadir period. My hemoglobin is at 5.7 and my platelets are .07. I will get two units of blood and a unit of platelets. I’m anxious as hell. My first thought, wonder if I can ask Mama to get some bagels for the nurses today since it’s almost Easter weekend and that would be a yummy snack. Then ooh what about bagels for night shift? But those may be stale if we buy it too early. Munchkins from Dunkin perhaps? I’m literally disassociating. This is where the side effects happen? Does this hurt a lot now? Am I just catatonic? Can I think straight? So many questions filling me head as I write this – but also bagels and munchkins as well. WTF is wrong with me?!

6:05am Nurse Iz is back to check if the picc line has been unblocked. It’s working, slow but it’s moving. Nurse Iz is going to check with Charge Nurse E if she should start blood at change of shift or wait. Nurse Iz is a wizard. She got the blood ASAP and transfusion is starting now. She’s going to go to Palm Springs with her family so she’s excited to go home but was also kind and worried for me that she wanted my blood to start before the shift change. 🫶 Nurses are amazing. Grey’s you’re a liar!