Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

It’s 1:51am … why am I awake? FRANK!!!!!! I got my allotted sedatives at 9:30pm at night. Like those movies as hospitals they put your pills in a cup, and then that the hatch, open your mouth and stick your tongue out. I was right in step tonight, no more water after 6:00pm (yes I know I still have the IV connected to me, but Mama is a camel and can hold water for weeks), I’m referring to the extra 128oz of water that I drink ever 20 minutes when the iPhone pings me. I had it all set up tonight for the vitals and blood-draw. 5:30am. I was gonna sleep my sweet sleep from 10:00pm until 5:30pm. at 1:50am Frank goes: Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep WHAT THE HECK!? Shup up Frank, shut Up!!!! The beeping is louder as I have the full on spa set up, eye shades and ear plugs… this was going to be sleepy town tonight. I said good night to Frank and off I went with my healing Mhz. Now my thought process for that is that people play music for their plants, and plants don’t have ears…. so I’m not playing my healing Mhz for my years, I’m letting it absorb into my body.

Beep Beep Beep. OMG shut up Frank!! Beep Beep Beep! I kicked him. Beep Beep Beep! OMG What do you need you’re plugged in! I pull my eye shade off and glare at Frank like the Chinese Karen I am… “STOPPED” “STOPPED” “STOPPED” Blinking and Flashing “STOPPED” Oh sh*it my medicine, my chemo….. I press the big red + button. Frank is beeping stopped. Nurse I (My night nurse tonight) runs in and starts pushing buttons. Frank is turning off, what happened? Frank just got unplugged and plugged back it. Frank was alerting me that I wasn’t getting my medicine anymore. He was doing his job, even though I kicked him. There was an air bubble in the line which triggered his internal warning system. Good job Frank. You may live to see another day. I was thinking of how to through you out the 8th floor window and not kill me at the same time. And thank you for bringing back me murderous me. 0 to prison! I’m back!! Just didn’t want to do this at 2:00am (Hi, It’s me. I’m the problem its me! ) The role reversal yesterday through me for a loop! Ha Cancer…you didn’t make me into some softy. I’ve still got my NY roots, they grow DEEP.

Okay so now what. I’m staring at the lowly dim (but not dim enough) screen typing… now it’s operational beg. I dropped off a dozen donuts to the night shift to just say thank you. Too early for political capital thought I remembered a few names. How am I going to get another Ambien? It’s 3:00pm and it’s as needed. Nurse I texts again. Oh grief, I need sleep. Nurse I says I’ll try again, maybe “Melatonin?” I give her this sleep frustrated look that says Sweet Nurse I…I crush Melatonin and sprinkle it over my cereal for breakfast! The look said that, I only let out an auditory chuckle. 22 minutes later, 0.5 Ambien. Beggars can’t be choose. I gulp it down and as I write these last few thoughts, it’s pulling me to sleepy town! Night…..ZZzzzzzzZz