Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

They got the order for my cytarabine and orubicin got messed up today. The cytarabine is supposed to be a 24 hour drip and what was given by the hospital pharmacy was a piggy back 4 hour drip. Nurse J caught it (she’s my new day nurse today). Then the orubicin didn’t work with the IV machine – Frank failed me so Nurse J has to manually push the medication in through my picc line over 5 minutes – that did not feel great, at times it was too fast causing a cramp in my chest and then she’d slow down and it would be okay. I was over an hour late for my cytarabine (main chemo) so J is pissed. Mistakes happen, but yes mistakes cost lives. I understand. Also like role reversal! I’m usually the one that is flying off the handle, laying on my horn, acting a damn fool. Now I’m the voice of understanding and reason? Cancer… you are killing me and robbing me of my crazy. I am zero to prison. Why am I now understanding! Damn you cancer.

J isn’t happy at all, he’s sleeping on the chair right now not willing to engage. It makes sense, I was anxious myself. Like….how do you guys mix this up? He’s really grumpy now cause I can’t use the bathroom until the pee hat is emptied. SMH. Like this is Day 3. I have 6 weeks here, maybe let’s not be spicy to the Nurses please? The donuts I got for the Nurses may end up going home to my children cause he’s livid.

Look at the view. Can you be grumpy when you look at it? Again f you’re going to have Leukemia – Newport Beach. I’m just missing Shemar Moore peeling and feeding me grapes. Jesus take the wheel! J was giving me a wipe down when a nurse came in to take my blood. I mean I get it you’re a medical professional but can I get some privacy? Like friend…I have cancer, I’m not having a baby. You don’t need to see my va-jay-jay! Just saying!

And I just burned my mouth – this is great! All my stats are going down with the chemotherapy and I burn my mouth! Why? Cause I had to gulp down the laxative and poop. But since it tastes funny I wanted a big sip of water, which happen to be hot. Why am I drinking hot water? Because I am a brain washed Chinese Woman that believes only hot water is good for your body and as a result I burned my mouth! The doctors literally tell you not to hurt yourself and to be careful. SMH

The indignity….shortly after the laxatives went down the hatch and the burning of the mouth. I felt the “go” fought with Frank because I had to unplug him first as he was rolling away from me and I was unplugging him. I should rename this to Battle Hymn of a Sh*t Show Mom than Hot Mess Mom but maybe they are both the same. So he’s rolling one way, I’m unplugging him with my right arm and holding on to his wheel pegs with my left foot. Thank you Hospital Twister, I do not want to play again.

After trying to poop with Frank – it wasn’t going to happen. Nurse J asked to see my bottom. Again the continued indignity. This is just great. The humiliation game is strong today. On a positive note, Frank and I completed 21 laps. I did a mile of walking today with chemo dripping in my veins. It’s a good day.