Battle Hymns of a Hot Mess Mom

One day at a time…

The night before…

The night before is awful. Last night I didn’t sleep well. Too many thoughts in my mind. My kids. My life. My choices. Just a lot. This is where the suck happens. This is when the fear creeps. Is this my last kiss? Are these my last hugs? Is this my final final? Over the last few days I have her I am stubborn! You can do this! You can beat this! You got this! Do I? Do I really got this? Can I beat leukemia?

My CBC was steady today. I was not admitted.

This afternoon – not great news.

Dr C called. I am not in the low risk category. I am in medium risk category and after induction therapy I will need a bone marrow transplant.

He recommended that I go to City of Hope in Duarte to start induction therapy (chemo) because they can start the bone marrow match from the beginning vs starting induction therapy near home and then going to Duarte for the bone marrow match. At this point there isn’t a full process near home that can do this.

No matter what I have to do induction therapy first. Then because in my specifically genetic mutation; I will need a bone marrow transplant. Dr C called back and said that his colleague will give him a kit so that I can start my HLA matching. This way I can start induction therapy tomorrow and they can start the match process and not wait 2 months to start.

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About Me

Hello, my name is Nina. I am a mother, wife, daughter and friend. I am lover of country music, & 80’s love ballad. I love me some karaoke! I identify as hot mess mom. I get it wrong, all the time. On the rare occasions I get it right? Even I’m shocked.

I am a working professional in the field of Compliance. I am mother two, daughter to immigrant parents, wife to a “redneck” – and proud of it, sister-in-law to the two most incredible human beings I have ever met and a niece that is just so cool but doesn’t know it.

I work too hard and play too little. I’ve always focus on the wrong thing and never quite sure if I’m ever enough. I grew up on the East Coast and was a latchkey kid in the 80’s and 90’s – I dodged the sketchy people on the walk home and tried not to end up on a milk carton.

I went to a very privileged Boarding School on the East Coast and college after that. (So yeah that’s exactly why this journal will be riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. On the days I feel good, I’ll type it out. On the days I don’t feel good it’ll be voice to text. I can not be held liable for the things Siri puts in as my “voice”. ) Graduated on a Friday and started Fleet Bank on a Saturday. I hustled my way through the midnight shift at DHL and hustled and hustled and hustled. I knew nothing except the hustle. (As I said, I’m a hot mess mom).

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